This magic moment, increasing capacity.
The beauty of this moment.
I will show up with grace, humility and faith. These words shined from my planner as I reintegrated into my routine after the holidays and travel. Sometimes when I say things like this to my therapist she will ask, "what does it mean to you, Angela, to 'show up'?" I pass this question along now to you, gorgeous reader, what are you "showing up" for today, this week, this month?
I closed out 2023 super uncomfortable in my body due to illness. As I started to feel better, my senses felt heightened. I noticed the sea foam slide over my bare feet, silky before retreating, leaving the tops of my feet receptive to the gentle breeze.
The sun’s angle cast a shimmer across the water. As I reflected on what it feels like to be in this moment, I wondered, has the moment passed? What am I experiencing right now? The soles of my feet being received by the wet sand. Each step momentum, the movement of my body across the Earth, far from the place I call home, but full in the home within myself.
While I was ill, I was so uncomfortable in my body that even reading or watching a show couldn't distract me, so I stared at the ceiling, or the leaves on the trees overhead and I considered capacity.
The intention of these newsletters is to uplift and so I wonder how I can share my experience with the darkness in a way that connects you to your own journey? Capacity is on my mind as I feel myself moving into a new chapter. The last chapter held so much darkness, some moments I wondered if I would ever feel good again? If you've ever felt like you're being eaten alive from the inside out by the weight of grief or your own dark thoughts, you may know the gift of capacity.
I feel my ability to hold the discomfort has been matched by a greater ability to hold more beauty and love. This is the magic of a mindfulness or meditation practice, to connect with the transient nature of our thoughts and feelings. To be reminded, again and again, that we are not our thoughts or feelings, despite how powerful they may be in a particular moment.
Coming home, I was overwhelmed with appreciation for where I have chosen to live and how I get to spend my time. I arrived in Moab to a gentle dusting of snowflakes and a heart full of gratitude for my choice to live in this magnificent place.
To the deep knowing that we can't control the challenges or storms that we will meet on our journey, but we can increase our capacity to hold space for the movement of these storms. We can deepen our connection to the home inside ourselves and enjoy a greater capacity to ride the waves of life with grace, humility and faith.