Something you can choose right now. . .
I was walking with a friend after school on the street where my mom, sister and I lived in Middleton, Wisconsin. From a distance, I spotted some boys bouncing a basketball. I wanted to play with them so I told my friend, "c'mon, let's go!"
started running and I slipped on a patch of black ice. I must have used my left hand to catch myself. However, we did not catch the boys. My wrist hurt really bad. The next day my mom took me to the doctor and he put my hand and forearm in a cast. This event coincided during a time when all the gymnastics equipment was set-up in our gymnasium at Sauk Trail Elementary.
As a fourth grader, I was fascinated by gymnastics. I thought the uneven bars were fun. I was curious, but also a little nervous, about the vault. My favorite piece out of all the equipment were the parallel bars.
I was so excited about getting to play on the equipment in gym class. Our gym teacher assigned us the project of creating a routine on one of the pieces of equipment. From the start, my mind was made up. I would do my routine on the parallel bars! I fantasized about what I would learn and how I would improve and how much fun it would be.
I was heartbroken when I realized that my broken wrist meant I couldn't continue with my plan to do the parallel bars. As I looked around the gymnasium, I considered if there was anything that I COULD do? I still felt gymnastics was the coolest and I didn't want to miss out. The only thing staring back at me was the balance beam. I had always thought that the balance beam seemed boring, but I decided to give it a go.
With a change in attitude, I ended up having a lot of fun creating a routine that I could do on the balance beam with my broken wrist. It felt good to have a way I could participate and create. There weren't any fancy flipping dismounts, but I found a new appreciation for this event and an appreciation for my change in attitude.
I injured my shoulder lifting weights a few years ago and it has been a mysterious injury that seems to flare up unexpectedly. I think that I have finally accepted that I injured myself weight lifting, not dirt biking, not mountain biking or skiing. . . weight lifting. This makes me laugh, but not the belly kind of laugh. The kind of laugh where it seems like this can't be real.
Oh yes, I was saying that I have accepted this, hee hee. It has been more painful lately so I've noticed that I'm not doing some of the things that I like to do. When I do, I am often in a lot of pain. Instead of being frustrated that my shoulder was hurting, I decided to accept it and un-limit myself by considering what I CAN do, in this moment.
I love this practice of opening myself up to unlimited options. It invites spaciousness and creativity. It reminds me that there are often many options if I stop trying to think my way to them or force my way to a solution (i.e. make the pain stop). In my resistance to the discomfort, I had even forgotten one of the most obvious solutions. As soon as I let go, I remembered.
My yoga practice was one of the places where I felt limited. With a shift in attitude, I've come up with a few supine hip openers and standing balance asanas without my arms up. Here is a link to the video on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/practicegrace/
This fits right in with what I am exploring in other aspects of my life. I've had this idea to write about being in the becoming. It's a piece that I am both inspired by and also a bit stuck on. My sense is it will take some time to create. Shifting from a limited to unlimited mindset I thought, "write where you're at right now, that is the whole point, being, right now, the becoming isn't where the control is, it is the magic of many seemingly small choices in each moment that add up over time and a whole lotta letting go of the outcome."
I made a list of ways that I want to feel and considered how I can feel this way now without anything changing. It has been a really beautiful and empowering experience. When I am aware that I am not choosing who I want to be, I can choose again. Here are a few of the feelings on my list:
I want to be loving. Things I can do now to be loving: listen, appreciate, be present, give love. I want to be inspired. Things I can do now to be inspired: interview people, ride my horse, ride my mountain bike. I want to feel connected. Things I can do now to feel connected: listen, be present with whoever I am with, choose love, look for and take in the good.
I shared this idea with my sister and her takeaway was, "wait, so if I want to be someone that practices yoga, I need to actually practice yoga?" "Ha ha, well, yes, but sometimes you can start even smaller than that," I said. Years before I had a horse, I started buying things with horses on them. A beautiful ceramic bowl from an art fair in Wisconsin. A gorgeous close-up photo of a horse's mane. You get the idea, I was planting seeds. The desire was there, I just had no idea, yet, how it was going to happen.
How do you want to feel? What CAN you do to feel that right now? Who are you becoming? I invite you to join me in getting curious about what you can do now to be who you want to become.
With Love,
Angela